Tom, an old friend, horror fan and social worker (of some variety or other) is the first person to give feedback on the script.
He has some good points.
He sees it from the perspective of someone who works with underprivileged kids, or rather social misfit kids and his experiences in that field tie directly in to some of the aspects of the script. We went through the logic of the situation and he brought up some insightful comments to do with how the scenario would actually work in the real world, ie: not how it happens in the script.
He also knows his movies and his genre stuff in particular and he felt that sometimes I'd veered to much in to 'movie' territory.
There is a character in 'Jerusalem' that is basically a masked 'slasher'. A Jason Voorhees type called TAGGER. He doesn't last long and isn't in anyway the focus for the film but his inclusion does lead the script towards a more traditional horror movie. Tom is of the opinion that we should highlight the more Shane Meadows-y elements and give the film a more real world feel. He's probably right.
As I suspected the main criticism so far of the script is about the characters being under developed. This also is true. I think it's more the fact that some are better realised than others that makes the secondary characters seem weak.
Another thing that has been thrown up is that people can't tell who the main character is meant to be. That is great. You're really not meant to. There are several candidates for who's going to make it to the end of the movie but you're never really sure who's going to survive. Hopefully this adds tension. Also it could mean that the script lacks focus, I'll wait and see what everyone else thinks first before I dive back in to the script but already I've got a plethora of new ideas to work with.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Limbo
Dave printed up a few copies of the script which he has distributed to various pertinent people including our friend and part-time rock star Paul, whom we hope will eventually score the movie for us. That is if he even likes the script, of course. Why worry about the score so early?
One of the things we're aiming for to get this show on the road is to have a complete package to present to any studio/investors. This means that not only will we need to have a perfect script but also a marketing strategy, a solid vision for the production, the above mentioned score and any other resources we can muster to help the film whether it be in the form of actors, press links, funding, director...the whole shebang.
The script at the moment has on it's title page credits for writer (myself), producer (Dave) and Director (Damien Wasylkiw)
It's not enough just to bring a script to a studio and say 'We want to make this, where's my cash?' and hope they're blown away by the sheer awesomeness of the hundred or so pages in front of them. In fact we're not trying to sell a script, we want to sell a movie before it's even made. They have to believe that this is something they can get behind and if we demonstrate that 'Jerusalem' is something we can see through to completion and beyond in the most professional manner, then we have an advantage. I feel this is the best way to go forward, it's a lot easier to commit to something you know others believe in.
M. Night Shyamalan famously sent out the script for The Sixth Sense with a million dollar price tag attached to it. He was right to do so and it paid off.
'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' is not the Sixth Sense, it was never intended to be of that scope or... quality. It's a stripped down (although maybe not as stripped down as it needs to be yet) '70's style thriller working in the confines of an established genre with a few novel twists thrown in. But ultimately it's designed to be a money making, fun exploitation movie and any reassurance we can give that we intend to deliver on that, the better.
I intend to start pre-production before we've even finalised the script. I'll be applying my limited artistic skills to storyboarding a few key sequences, this added with the hundreds of location photos we have and extra scripts for webisodes and other support elements we have a sound base from which to launch our offensive on the cinema going public.
One of the things we're aiming for to get this show on the road is to have a complete package to present to any studio/investors. This means that not only will we need to have a perfect script but also a marketing strategy, a solid vision for the production, the above mentioned score and any other resources we can muster to help the film whether it be in the form of actors, press links, funding, director...the whole shebang.
The script at the moment has on it's title page credits for writer (myself), producer (Dave) and Director (Damien Wasylkiw)
It's not enough just to bring a script to a studio and say 'We want to make this, where's my cash?' and hope they're blown away by the sheer awesomeness of the hundred or so pages in front of them. In fact we're not trying to sell a script, we want to sell a movie before it's even made. They have to believe that this is something they can get behind and if we demonstrate that 'Jerusalem' is something we can see through to completion and beyond in the most professional manner, then we have an advantage. I feel this is the best way to go forward, it's a lot easier to commit to something you know others believe in.
M. Night Shyamalan famously sent out the script for The Sixth Sense with a million dollar price tag attached to it. He was right to do so and it paid off.
'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' is not the Sixth Sense, it was never intended to be of that scope or... quality. It's a stripped down (although maybe not as stripped down as it needs to be yet) '70's style thriller working in the confines of an established genre with a few novel twists thrown in. But ultimately it's designed to be a money making, fun exploitation movie and any reassurance we can give that we intend to deliver on that, the better.
I intend to start pre-production before we've even finalised the script. I'll be applying my limited artistic skills to storyboarding a few key sequences, this added with the hundreds of location photos we have and extra scripts for webisodes and other support elements we have a sound base from which to launch our offensive on the cinema going public.
Friday, 6 February 2009
The End of Days
We're approaching the end.
A quick overhaul of the script with Dave brought up an interesting new way to present a scene adding a bit of humour. We also slipped a few 'social commentary' bits in to the script that had been left out for reasons of fluidity of story telling, but Dave found a way to reintegrate them with minimum fuss.
So thanks to Dave then.
I'm still a bit iffy about some of the dialogue, but we still have a long way still to sort it out.
The first draft (the real first draft) is looking good though. Good enough that we can send it to a few people we know in the buisness to get a rough idea as to what we should be doing with it.
I'll give them a few weeks to read it then I expect a complete and unrelenting barrage of critisism hurled this way. Of course that's a good thing. I'm not worried about getting negative critisism, it's more the prospect of having to follow up on any insightful comments I get and having to rewrite a script I've spent ages on. Sheesh. It's a lot of work.
It'll be good to get the thing out there and read by people, it almost feels like it's getting published.
In the mean time I'll be starting on a new script. I need to have a break from this one for a bit (although I doubt that I'll get the chance) and replenish my creativity - a new project seems like the best way to do that.
I've had a few ideas swilling round my skull for a while, some more concrete than others (have you tried swilling concrete...not fun), see which you think is best:
Laser Massacre at Nudey Beach:
A Cormanesque beach party/alien invasion movie with entirely nude cast.
Eat The Rich:
Surreal anti consumerist fable in the style of early Bunuel with a dash of Larry Cohen.
Perseverence:
Child goes on a killing spree to avenge the death of her mother...or does she? A road movie version of Get Carter with a mild supernatural twist.
The Retreat:
My long gestating hard sci-fi ghost story without ghosts. Like the Andromeda Strain meets 2001: a Space Odessey meets Ju-on... with an entirely nude cast. Except for the nudity.
I've just printed 'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' out so I can 'idiot check' it, then it's off in to the cold uncaring world for you little script. Come back safely.
A quick overhaul of the script with Dave brought up an interesting new way to present a scene adding a bit of humour. We also slipped a few 'social commentary' bits in to the script that had been left out for reasons of fluidity of story telling, but Dave found a way to reintegrate them with minimum fuss.
So thanks to Dave then.
I'm still a bit iffy about some of the dialogue, but we still have a long way still to sort it out.
The first draft (the real first draft) is looking good though. Good enough that we can send it to a few people we know in the buisness to get a rough idea as to what we should be doing with it.
I'll give them a few weeks to read it then I expect a complete and unrelenting barrage of critisism hurled this way. Of course that's a good thing. I'm not worried about getting negative critisism, it's more the prospect of having to follow up on any insightful comments I get and having to rewrite a script I've spent ages on. Sheesh. It's a lot of work.
It'll be good to get the thing out there and read by people, it almost feels like it's getting published.
In the mean time I'll be starting on a new script. I need to have a break from this one for a bit (although I doubt that I'll get the chance) and replenish my creativity - a new project seems like the best way to do that.
I've had a few ideas swilling round my skull for a while, some more concrete than others (have you tried swilling concrete...not fun), see which you think is best:
Laser Massacre at Nudey Beach:
A Cormanesque beach party/alien invasion movie with entirely nude cast.
Eat The Rich:
Surreal anti consumerist fable in the style of early Bunuel with a dash of Larry Cohen.
Perseverence:
Child goes on a killing spree to avenge the death of her mother...or does she? A road movie version of Get Carter with a mild supernatural twist.
The Retreat:
My long gestating hard sci-fi ghost story without ghosts. Like the Andromeda Strain meets 2001: a Space Odessey meets Ju-on... with an entirely nude cast. Except for the nudity.
I've just printed 'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' out so I can 'idiot check' it, then it's off in to the cold uncaring world for you little script. Come back safely.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Hiro to zero and back again
I'm watching 'Heroes' which has just started it's 3rd (4th?) series, despite it being one of the worst shows broadcast. It's not bad just because of it's unrealised potential (the first series had so much promise) but also because it's just so poorly written. Inexcusably shit. The two head writers were recently fired which bodes well, but whoever picks up the reigns has to really learn to polish a turd.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Take an established franchise and mess stuff up?
I'm possibly the only person who actively enjoyed Rob Zombie's complete overhaul of 'Halloween' - way to make that movie your own Rob. He added his own auteur - ship to the basic Mike Myers story by making him trailer trash, to many people's annoyance.
Fincher got an equal amount of fan ire over Alien 3 when he killed all of the cast of the previous two films (and kudos to Wheadon for making a believable return for at least one of them).
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here (infact I am very much so) but I really want to mess up 'Jerusalem'. Okay - I haven't even locked down the first draft yet, but I'm already getting ideas as to where the follow up should go. I say follow up because I can see the next movie being a paraquel and a sequel and a prequel - and something else entirely. Much like between the first two Mad Max movies there was a nuclear war (plot twist or what?) we need a game changer for Jerusalem 2.
So I'm going to sow the seeds of a sequel in this current script. Not overtly, as it needs to stand on it's own with no loose threads, but I'll make reference at certain points throughout the story of a much larger thing going on behind the scenes. If the ideas ultimately never come to fruition none will be the wiser as it'll never impact your viewing pleasure, however if this second story is ever made I'll have already laid down the foundations for it. This convieniently solves a problem I was having with one of the main characters and specifically what her fate was to be or even if she should be written out.
Maxine you have a stay of execution and your very own after - credits sequence. Lucky you.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Take an established franchise and mess stuff up?
I'm possibly the only person who actively enjoyed Rob Zombie's complete overhaul of 'Halloween' - way to make that movie your own Rob. He added his own auteur - ship to the basic Mike Myers story by making him trailer trash, to many people's annoyance.
Fincher got an equal amount of fan ire over Alien 3 when he killed all of the cast of the previous two films (and kudos to Wheadon for making a believable return for at least one of them).
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here (infact I am very much so) but I really want to mess up 'Jerusalem'. Okay - I haven't even locked down the first draft yet, but I'm already getting ideas as to where the follow up should go. I say follow up because I can see the next movie being a paraquel and a sequel and a prequel - and something else entirely. Much like between the first two Mad Max movies there was a nuclear war (plot twist or what?) we need a game changer for Jerusalem 2.
So I'm going to sow the seeds of a sequel in this current script. Not overtly, as it needs to stand on it's own with no loose threads, but I'll make reference at certain points throughout the story of a much larger thing going on behind the scenes. If the ideas ultimately never come to fruition none will be the wiser as it'll never impact your viewing pleasure, however if this second story is ever made I'll have already laid down the foundations for it. This convieniently solves a problem I was having with one of the main characters and specifically what her fate was to be or even if she should be written out.
Maxine you have a stay of execution and your very own after - credits sequence. Lucky you.
Saturday, 31 January 2009
Top tips for titles
Things I have learnt :
- Woody Allen once said that when writing a script, make sure to give all your characters short, simple names because you don't want to be typing Dr. Von Frakkenstein or Valror the Oppressor over and over again (not the examples he used).
With the invention of scriptwriting programs like the excellent (and free) Celtx, this is no longer a problem, they fill in the name as soon as you start typing. Feel free to call your characters Eduardo Estaban Sanchez Sanchez Hernadez the 3rd. Just make sure you don't give another character a name beginning with 'E' because the software will bring up all possible character names beginning with that letter as viable options.
So if you're like me and you've named prominent characters: Maxine, Malaki, Micky, Malaki's Father, Man 1, Man 2 and Maureen, you end up with a speedtype selection of names that goes off the bottom of the screen. Variety is what's needed. Just a little tip there.
- Never write alone. Yes write alone, by all means but as soon as you've finished writing a significant part get someone to check it. Unless you are indeed David Mamet then I suggest that you have someone to give your script to as it progresses so that can pick out the flaws as it goes. Hey maybe even David Mamet has someone he goes to that can point out some awful dialogue or a situation that is just a little bit to...well... as if it was in a movie.
You may find it harder to go back and change a script once it's finished and have to completely redo the thing structurally - if you modify it on the fly you become more adaptable.
Put off writing. Writing isn't just about putting the words down. Read all you can about your chosen subject and immerse yourself in the world of your story before you approach a blank page. This isn't procrastination. There's nothing more daunting than a blank page unless your head is brimming over with ideas, then the page doesn't look so blank after all.
Give yourself limitations. 6 people in a room. That's the old classic set up. Infinite variables are contained within that statement. Cube, Reservoir Dogs, 12 angry men (12 men in two rooms). The limits I've imposed on myself for 'Jerusalem' are ones of Reality (I tend towards the more fantastical by default), Genre (stick to a formula and maneuverer within it), 90 pages (I really want to make a tight movie).
What's in a title?
My script started out as 'Park Hill Has Eyes' for reasons explained in earlier posts. It does exactly what it says on the tin - obviously it had to change. It then became 'Steel City' a name given to Sheffield because of it's industrial background in making cutlery. Although inspired by Sheffield, I didn't want the place in the script to be associated with anywhere in particular so that had to go aswell.
But what to call the script? Is it important to name a script so early? You eventually have to get the title just right, it's one of the most important aspects of the film. It gives the audience an inkling of what's in store, or can be effectively be used to misguide them as with 'Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe' (it's not the tomatoes you should be paying attention to, they are in fact a green herring).
As my script took form certain elements lead me to call the place where it's set 'Albion' as it became a kind of mirror to the rest of England. Briefly that's what it was called, but if I rented a movie called 'Albion' and there where no sword fights I'd be disappointed - so it changed to Jerusalem to invoke that jingoistic hymn (rather than the original poem) by William Blake. That fit the script perfectly and fed more ideas in to the screenplay itself. Great.
If I went to see a film at the cinema called 'Jerusalem' and it didn't have sword fights in it, I'd be very dissapointed.
Jerusalem survived quite a while as the title but had to go, I'm not a big fan of one word titles and I wanted to have a memorable name for my movie like 'Evil Dead' or 'Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia' or 'Last House On The Left'. Something that people would copy.
The Hills have Eyes, Night of the Living dead, Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things. I like the roll those titles have. I like that '70's vibe.
'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' is what the script is called at the moment - it aludes to 'THHE', keeps the important Jerusalem part and completely understates the events within as 'a bad day'. Hell yeah it's a bad day, someone has a high pressure hose jammed in to their lungs.
Also it has a bit of beckoning mystery. Just what constututes a bad day? What is Jerusalem Hill?
For the moment I'm happy with this title, but I'm quite prepared for it to be changed by the time it gets released (I'll always refer to the film as if it will get made, no point reiterating "maybe's" and "perhaps'") in to something a bit more palateable like 'Defiance' (what a bad title) or 'Chav! The Movie'.
- Woody Allen once said that when writing a script, make sure to give all your characters short, simple names because you don't want to be typing Dr. Von Frakkenstein or Valror the Oppressor over and over again (not the examples he used).
With the invention of scriptwriting programs like the excellent (and free) Celtx, this is no longer a problem, they fill in the name as soon as you start typing. Feel free to call your characters Eduardo Estaban Sanchez Sanchez Hernadez the 3rd. Just make sure you don't give another character a name beginning with 'E' because the software will bring up all possible character names beginning with that letter as viable options.
So if you're like me and you've named prominent characters: Maxine, Malaki, Micky, Malaki's Father, Man 1, Man 2 and Maureen, you end up with a speedtype selection of names that goes off the bottom of the screen. Variety is what's needed. Just a little tip there.
- Never write alone. Yes write alone, by all means but as soon as you've finished writing a significant part get someone to check it. Unless you are indeed David Mamet then I suggest that you have someone to give your script to as it progresses so that can pick out the flaws as it goes. Hey maybe even David Mamet has someone he goes to that can point out some awful dialogue or a situation that is just a little bit to...well... as if it was in a movie.
You may find it harder to go back and change a script once it's finished and have to completely redo the thing structurally - if you modify it on the fly you become more adaptable.
Put off writing. Writing isn't just about putting the words down. Read all you can about your chosen subject and immerse yourself in the world of your story before you approach a blank page. This isn't procrastination. There's nothing more daunting than a blank page unless your head is brimming over with ideas, then the page doesn't look so blank after all.
Give yourself limitations. 6 people in a room. That's the old classic set up. Infinite variables are contained within that statement. Cube, Reservoir Dogs, 12 angry men (12 men in two rooms). The limits I've imposed on myself for 'Jerusalem' are ones of Reality (I tend towards the more fantastical by default), Genre (stick to a formula and maneuverer within it), 90 pages (I really want to make a tight movie).
What's in a title?
My script started out as 'Park Hill Has Eyes' for reasons explained in earlier posts. It does exactly what it says on the tin - obviously it had to change. It then became 'Steel City' a name given to Sheffield because of it's industrial background in making cutlery. Although inspired by Sheffield, I didn't want the place in the script to be associated with anywhere in particular so that had to go aswell.
But what to call the script? Is it important to name a script so early? You eventually have to get the title just right, it's one of the most important aspects of the film. It gives the audience an inkling of what's in store, or can be effectively be used to misguide them as with 'Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe' (it's not the tomatoes you should be paying attention to, they are in fact a green herring).
As my script took form certain elements lead me to call the place where it's set 'Albion' as it became a kind of mirror to the rest of England. Briefly that's what it was called, but if I rented a movie called 'Albion' and there where no sword fights I'd be disappointed - so it changed to Jerusalem to invoke that jingoistic hymn (rather than the original poem) by William Blake. That fit the script perfectly and fed more ideas in to the screenplay itself. Great.
If I went to see a film at the cinema called 'Jerusalem' and it didn't have sword fights in it, I'd be very dissapointed.
Jerusalem survived quite a while as the title but had to go, I'm not a big fan of one word titles and I wanted to have a memorable name for my movie like 'Evil Dead' or 'Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia' or 'Last House On The Left'. Something that people would copy.
The Hills have Eyes, Night of the Living dead, Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things. I like the roll those titles have. I like that '70's vibe.
'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' is what the script is called at the moment - it aludes to 'THHE', keeps the important Jerusalem part and completely understates the events within as 'a bad day'. Hell yeah it's a bad day, someone has a high pressure hose jammed in to their lungs.
Also it has a bit of beckoning mystery. Just what constututes a bad day? What is Jerusalem Hill?
For the moment I'm happy with this title, but I'm quite prepared for it to be changed by the time it gets released (I'll always refer to the film as if it will get made, no point reiterating "maybe's" and "perhaps'") in to something a bit more palateable like 'Defiance' (what a bad title) or 'Chav! The Movie'.
Friday, 23 January 2009
RAMifications
Damn, missed the delivery guy who was bringing me 4gig of RAM...I could have written 200 times faster with that installed.
Things of note:
KCRW's The Treatment with Elvis Mitchell:
The best podcast there is (now that 1up Yours is dead). Intelligent interviews with a variety of film makers. 20mins of great chat with high profile directors, writers and actors. Make sure you catch Simon Pegg's dissertation on the
Ewok's guerrilla warfare. Download them quick because once they're gone their gone for good.
STRUCTURE:
When you start out writing you never want to play by the rules, but goddammit those rules really work.
the pen is mightier than the spork:
Screenwriter James Moran's blog. Amusing and insightful. He knows what he's talking about having written Dr.Who, Spooks, Severance (which is great) amongst many other things.
Mondo Movies podcast:
Ben and Dan give their almost expert opinions on the latest psycotronic movies and slip in a few golden oldies in there aswell. Great forum too.
Concerning Jerusalem:
I think I've cracked it by Jove. The answer to my writer's block was within the script all along, all the pieces were there I just needed to bring them together and get them chatting. Then run them over with a car.
Things of note:
KCRW's The Treatment with Elvis Mitchell:
The best podcast there is (now that 1up Yours is dead). Intelligent interviews with a variety of film makers. 20mins of great chat with high profile directors, writers and actors. Make sure you catch Simon Pegg's dissertation on the
Ewok's guerrilla warfare. Download them quick because once they're gone their gone for good.
STRUCTURE:
When you start out writing you never want to play by the rules, but goddammit those rules really work.
the pen is mightier than the spork:
Screenwriter James Moran's blog. Amusing and insightful. He knows what he's talking about having written Dr.Who, Spooks, Severance (which is great) amongst many other things.
Mondo Movies podcast:
Ben and Dan give their almost expert opinions on the latest psycotronic movies and slip in a few golden oldies in there aswell. Great forum too.
Concerning Jerusalem:
I think I've cracked it by Jove. The answer to my writer's block was within the script all along, all the pieces were there I just needed to bring them together and get them chatting. Then run them over with a car.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
They RUN!
Obviously the only way to learn to write a script is to read them. Just watching films isn't enough. Going through Scriptcrawler and looking at the early drafts of films is a great way to get a feel for things. It surprised me just how well written a lot of those generic Hollywood scripts are. I'm talking about films like Wild Wild West, Alien Resurrection and the like. Sure the eventual film might be garbage and this is inherited from the script, but the actual depiction of the scene on page is incredibly well done. Very precise. There's a lot to be learned from this kind of script. It still baffles me how you can fit so much in to just ninety minutes/ pages. Charlie's Angel's (the McG version) just whips through so much action it feels like it should be a mini series. On the other hand virtually nothing happens in Deliverance until half way through, then not a lot happens after that - and it's totally gripping. I'm trying hard to reign my script in to that magic page count, but can always see where more can be added to make a better film, it's just that there's no room for it.
As ever there's a temptation to veer towards cliche and stock characters - resist..RESIST!
Joss Wheadon ( a man whose talent I could never conceive of approaching) writes his scripts so visually that it's almost useless to hire a director.
The Script for 2001: A Space Odyssey however is virtually unreadable. The only reason I could picture it was because I was familiar with Clarke's (far superior) novel and Kubrick's polarizing movie.
Why didn't they just start with a storyboard?
Do we even need scripts?
How many variations do I have to come up with for:
The MOB apraoches LAQEESHA and SARAH.
Sarah clasps the younger girl's arm.
They RUN -
In my mind's cinema screen all scenes where a character RUNS look great, but how do you write that?
I've checked many scripts, watched interviews with writers, read screenwriters hints and tips...guess what they all say you should do? Write
They RUN
As ever there's a temptation to veer towards cliche and stock characters - resist..RESIST!
Joss Wheadon ( a man whose talent I could never conceive of approaching) writes his scripts so visually that it's almost useless to hire a director.
The Script for 2001: A Space Odyssey however is virtually unreadable. The only reason I could picture it was because I was familiar with Clarke's (far superior) novel and Kubrick's polarizing movie.
Why didn't they just start with a storyboard?
Do we even need scripts?
How many variations do I have to come up with for:
The MOB apraoches LAQEESHA and SARAH.
Sarah clasps the younger girl's arm.
SARAH
We have to leave now!
We have to leave now!
They RUN -
In my mind's cinema screen all scenes where a character RUNS look great, but how do you write that?
I've checked many scripts, watched interviews with writers, read screenwriters hints and tips...guess what they all say you should do? Write
They RUN
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