I spent a while avoiding the script because I thought it was a bit shit, but on re-reading it recently I like it once more. There are still problems with the opening but the end is in sight now.
I'm having fun at the moment going through and tweaking each scene to give it 'a moment'. A 'LOL' moment - I've always liked it in films where you think 'why the hell did the film makers do that',those quirky little moments that don't really have much of an impact on the story as a whole but cumulatively give it a unique tone.
I made myself laugh when I added a line which reveals that a largely anonymous masked killer is named 'Baby'.
It works in the script, trust me.
I've been listening to a lot of Creative Screenwriting Magazine podcasts which have been inspiring me. They're very in depth and quite conversational QandA sessions with scriptwriters, mainly of big american movies like Star Trek and Watchmen and the like with a few smaller films thrown in there aswell. They're very informative as to the working pratices and pratical methods of crafting a story.
I in the latest one they were discussing the merits of having a good 'Bad Guy' in relation to the movie 30 Days Of Night.
This got me thinking about 'Jerusalem' which really doesn't have a main antagonist as such. Or rather the closest thing to that, is never a consistent threat in so far as he has no interaction with our heroes until the very end.
I panicked. Shit - there's no baddie in the film. I immediately started to devise ways to develop a viable antagonist - more structural re-writes - damn.
But then it came to me, I have a 'Bad Guy' already, I always have had in the form of my very own 'Overlook Hotel' the block of flats called 'Jerusalem' where the movie is set. All those incidents that get in our character's way are the building's doing. Not in the way that the hotel in the Shining becomes a character in itself, but more to do with social, political, survivalist, economic, architectural factors that it imposes on it's residents, it's practically given birth to them.
I've got a 'Bad Guy'.
Now that I've realised that guess what... more rewrites. I'm going to take advantage of the setting more and include the very structure of the place as as a key element.
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
no shift, no caps, no soapbox politics...
my shift key's not working, so no caps or question marks.
i've not updated this blog for a while because i haven't written anything. the reason /question mark/
well, i needed a break from the script also having finished the first draft it kinda felt like i'd finished the whole thing. for my next script i'll deny myself the finality of the last page and leave it hanging, maybe then it'll be easier to go back to.
so i've started writing again and put a whole little subplot back in which works better than i'd realised but this has brought it's own problems with it. the characters, the pieces on the chess board, aren't in the right place for the endgame. any attempt to move them seems contrived. this is quite fustrating as essentially the second half of the script works great, it's just getting these pawns to where they need to be to initiate the 'action' that's the problem.
it's just a centeral ten pages or so that are the problem,the new begining is so much better and i've always liked the conclusion... maybe if i just ram them together hard enough they'll stick.
i've not updated this blog for a while because i haven't written anything. the reason /question mark/
well, i needed a break from the script also having finished the first draft it kinda felt like i'd finished the whole thing. for my next script i'll deny myself the finality of the last page and leave it hanging, maybe then it'll be easier to go back to.
so i've started writing again and put a whole little subplot back in which works better than i'd realised but this has brought it's own problems with it. the characters, the pieces on the chess board, aren't in the right place for the endgame. any attempt to move them seems contrived. this is quite fustrating as essentially the second half of the script works great, it's just getting these pawns to where they need to be to initiate the 'action' that's the problem.
it's just a centeral ten pages or so that are the problem,the new begining is so much better and i've always liked the conclusion... maybe if i just ram them together hard enough they'll stick.
Monday, 16 March 2009
Martyred for writing
I think I actually enjoy writing.
I read a few articles about writing where respected authors moan about going through the process. Some feel that the end result is the only good thing, others don't even like that despite having written masterpieces.
Of course a script is not a finished product until it is filmed, which means it can forever be process, you could indefinately be on a journey and Ulysees can forever have more brave tales. And so Jerusalem twists and reforms itself anew.
When you have a cool idea or even better, manage to implement that cool idea in to a serviceable form, it spurs you on and dialogue and narrative spill out before you uncontrollably and soon you have a whole new scenario you hadn't intended. Which means you have to retro fit everything else you've written to accommodate this new direction.
That's the point I'm at now. The bulk of my screenplay works, but I've recently set about retooling the first act (which is so much better now) and subsequently have to modify the later stages to fit in with this new start. There is a problem of balancing tone. We start out with quite a light hearted set up which gives way to quite violent action later. The audience needs to be eased into the later stages of the script and at the moment everything just seems to 'kick off' without warning. Some good scenes are going to have to sacrificed to keep things smooth.
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm trying to make a simple yet effective straight forward thriller/action movie. I want to write something that I can then feasibly then go and make. But when I watch films like 'Martyrs' I immediately think I should change direction and create something of such staggering beauty and vileness, something that will leave an indelible mark on film making as that film does. I of course have to learn to walk before I can run and walking's an Olympic sport so it can't be that bad. If I can make a decent genre script then I'll tackle something greater, but for now I'll content myself with smuggling a few 'mondo' moments in to a seemingly standard story.
One final problem I can anticipate is never knowing when I'm done.
EDIT: If you intend on watching 'Martyrs' make sure you know nothing more than what is contained in the teaser I linked to. This film goes places that are unexpected.
I read a few articles about writing where respected authors moan about going through the process. Some feel that the end result is the only good thing, others don't even like that despite having written masterpieces.
Of course a script is not a finished product until it is filmed, which means it can forever be process, you could indefinately be on a journey and Ulysees can forever have more brave tales. And so Jerusalem twists and reforms itself anew.
When you have a cool idea or even better, manage to implement that cool idea in to a serviceable form, it spurs you on and dialogue and narrative spill out before you uncontrollably and soon you have a whole new scenario you hadn't intended. Which means you have to retro fit everything else you've written to accommodate this new direction.
That's the point I'm at now. The bulk of my screenplay works, but I've recently set about retooling the first act (which is so much better now) and subsequently have to modify the later stages to fit in with this new start. There is a problem of balancing tone. We start out with quite a light hearted set up which gives way to quite violent action later. The audience needs to be eased into the later stages of the script and at the moment everything just seems to 'kick off' without warning. Some good scenes are going to have to sacrificed to keep things smooth.
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm trying to make a simple yet effective straight forward thriller/action movie. I want to write something that I can then feasibly then go and make. But when I watch films like 'Martyrs' I immediately think I should change direction and create something of such staggering beauty and vileness, something that will leave an indelible mark on film making as that film does. I of course have to learn to walk before I can run and walking's an Olympic sport so it can't be that bad. If I can make a decent genre script then I'll tackle something greater, but for now I'll content myself with smuggling a few 'mondo' moments in to a seemingly standard story.
One final problem I can anticipate is never knowing when I'm done.
EDIT: If you intend on watching 'Martyrs' make sure you know nothing more than what is contained in the teaser I linked to. This film goes places that are unexpected.
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Rewriting whilst rapelling down a building
I've got a pretty good idea what to do with the script now. Comments from various people all point towards what I'd suspected all along: the first act is too slow.
Or rather, too long. The script takes a while to get to the kicking off point and while there is plenty of incident in the first thirty pages most of it can easily be relocated to the second act. I've changed a character as well. Originally he was a very dark person who by dying instigates the 'Bad Day' of the title. He's a lot more funny now and doesn't cut up his girlfriend's corpse (ha!). Tiernan, for it is he, is now an amiable oaf who is still dispatched in much the same way he was before but now we have a lot more sympathy for him. Changing this character also modifies the the whole tone of the first half of the film: it's a lot more jokey now and a lot more fun which will contrast more with later events when things get a bit out of hand. Of everything I've written so far about forty pages have been excised from the first act, which is quite preposterous if you think about it. The rest of the script has stayed pretty much intact throughout but it's the set up which seems to be the hardest part to get right. My instinct is to give as much time to characters and atmosphere as possible - the lead role had at one point an entire thirty page backstory - but it's really not nesesary in this kind of film. Cut to the chase is now my mantra. Scenes start half way through and end early. If we need to round out a character it'll be done at the same time as they're rapelling down the side of the building (not that this actually happens in the film).
Another thing that's going to change is the emphasis on who the main character will be. At the moment it's a bit open as to who is the hero of the whole thing, it's the Magnolia of survival horror when it might be better if it where the Last Boy Scout of survival horror. From the start there's been a buddy movie dynamic between two of the characters - this will now take a more prominent role.
It's odd how many variations there have been to this story, there are innumerable ways to essentially tell the same basic tale. Tweaking things here and there can bring certain elements to the fore and totally skew the feel of the film in a different direction. I recently wanted to make it incredibly dark and add feral children in to the mix (still do) or maybe make it more hyper-kinetic like Run Lola Run.
Perhaps wisely I've settled on a more realistic slant, a kind of Shane Meadows type of film that just happens to become an out and out action-horror half way through.
The break I've had from writing has allowed me to come at the problems in the script with a fresh perspective, I can see what needs to be done and where to do it.
Or rather, too long. The script takes a while to get to the kicking off point and while there is plenty of incident in the first thirty pages most of it can easily be relocated to the second act. I've changed a character as well. Originally he was a very dark person who by dying instigates the 'Bad Day' of the title. He's a lot more funny now and doesn't cut up his girlfriend's corpse (ha!). Tiernan, for it is he, is now an amiable oaf who is still dispatched in much the same way he was before but now we have a lot more sympathy for him. Changing this character also modifies the the whole tone of the first half of the film: it's a lot more jokey now and a lot more fun which will contrast more with later events when things get a bit out of hand. Of everything I've written so far about forty pages have been excised from the first act, which is quite preposterous if you think about it. The rest of the script has stayed pretty much intact throughout but it's the set up which seems to be the hardest part to get right. My instinct is to give as much time to characters and atmosphere as possible - the lead role had at one point an entire thirty page backstory - but it's really not nesesary in this kind of film. Cut to the chase is now my mantra. Scenes start half way through and end early. If we need to round out a character it'll be done at the same time as they're rapelling down the side of the building (not that this actually happens in the film).
Another thing that's going to change is the emphasis on who the main character will be. At the moment it's a bit open as to who is the hero of the whole thing, it's the Magnolia of survival horror when it might be better if it where the Last Boy Scout of survival horror. From the start there's been a buddy movie dynamic between two of the characters - this will now take a more prominent role.
It's odd how many variations there have been to this story, there are innumerable ways to essentially tell the same basic tale. Tweaking things here and there can bring certain elements to the fore and totally skew the feel of the film in a different direction. I recently wanted to make it incredibly dark and add feral children in to the mix (still do) or maybe make it more hyper-kinetic like Run Lola Run.
Perhaps wisely I've settled on a more realistic slant, a kind of Shane Meadows type of film that just happens to become an out and out action-horror half way through.
The break I've had from writing has allowed me to come at the problems in the script with a fresh perspective, I can see what needs to be done and where to do it.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Feedback
Tom, an old friend, horror fan and social worker (of some variety or other) is the first person to give feedback on the script.
He has some good points.
He sees it from the perspective of someone who works with underprivileged kids, or rather social misfit kids and his experiences in that field tie directly in to some of the aspects of the script. We went through the logic of the situation and he brought up some insightful comments to do with how the scenario would actually work in the real world, ie: not how it happens in the script.
He also knows his movies and his genre stuff in particular and he felt that sometimes I'd veered to much in to 'movie' territory.
There is a character in 'Jerusalem' that is basically a masked 'slasher'. A Jason Voorhees type called TAGGER. He doesn't last long and isn't in anyway the focus for the film but his inclusion does lead the script towards a more traditional horror movie. Tom is of the opinion that we should highlight the more Shane Meadows-y elements and give the film a more real world feel. He's probably right.
As I suspected the main criticism so far of the script is about the characters being under developed. This also is true. I think it's more the fact that some are better realised than others that makes the secondary characters seem weak.
Another thing that has been thrown up is that people can't tell who the main character is meant to be. That is great. You're really not meant to. There are several candidates for who's going to make it to the end of the movie but you're never really sure who's going to survive. Hopefully this adds tension. Also it could mean that the script lacks focus, I'll wait and see what everyone else thinks first before I dive back in to the script but already I've got a plethora of new ideas to work with.
He has some good points.
He sees it from the perspective of someone who works with underprivileged kids, or rather social misfit kids and his experiences in that field tie directly in to some of the aspects of the script. We went through the logic of the situation and he brought up some insightful comments to do with how the scenario would actually work in the real world, ie: not how it happens in the script.
He also knows his movies and his genre stuff in particular and he felt that sometimes I'd veered to much in to 'movie' territory.
There is a character in 'Jerusalem' that is basically a masked 'slasher'. A Jason Voorhees type called TAGGER. He doesn't last long and isn't in anyway the focus for the film but his inclusion does lead the script towards a more traditional horror movie. Tom is of the opinion that we should highlight the more Shane Meadows-y elements and give the film a more real world feel. He's probably right.
As I suspected the main criticism so far of the script is about the characters being under developed. This also is true. I think it's more the fact that some are better realised than others that makes the secondary characters seem weak.
Another thing that has been thrown up is that people can't tell who the main character is meant to be. That is great. You're really not meant to. There are several candidates for who's going to make it to the end of the movie but you're never really sure who's going to survive. Hopefully this adds tension. Also it could mean that the script lacks focus, I'll wait and see what everyone else thinks first before I dive back in to the script but already I've got a plethora of new ideas to work with.
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Limbo
Dave printed up a few copies of the script which he has distributed to various pertinent people including our friend and part-time rock star Paul, whom we hope will eventually score the movie for us. That is if he even likes the script, of course. Why worry about the score so early?
One of the things we're aiming for to get this show on the road is to have a complete package to present to any studio/investors. This means that not only will we need to have a perfect script but also a marketing strategy, a solid vision for the production, the above mentioned score and any other resources we can muster to help the film whether it be in the form of actors, press links, funding, director...the whole shebang.
The script at the moment has on it's title page credits for writer (myself), producer (Dave) and Director (Damien Wasylkiw)
It's not enough just to bring a script to a studio and say 'We want to make this, where's my cash?' and hope they're blown away by the sheer awesomeness of the hundred or so pages in front of them. In fact we're not trying to sell a script, we want to sell a movie before it's even made. They have to believe that this is something they can get behind and if we demonstrate that 'Jerusalem' is something we can see through to completion and beyond in the most professional manner, then we have an advantage. I feel this is the best way to go forward, it's a lot easier to commit to something you know others believe in.
M. Night Shyamalan famously sent out the script for The Sixth Sense with a million dollar price tag attached to it. He was right to do so and it paid off.
'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' is not the Sixth Sense, it was never intended to be of that scope or... quality. It's a stripped down (although maybe not as stripped down as it needs to be yet) '70's style thriller working in the confines of an established genre with a few novel twists thrown in. But ultimately it's designed to be a money making, fun exploitation movie and any reassurance we can give that we intend to deliver on that, the better.
I intend to start pre-production before we've even finalised the script. I'll be applying my limited artistic skills to storyboarding a few key sequences, this added with the hundreds of location photos we have and extra scripts for webisodes and other support elements we have a sound base from which to launch our offensive on the cinema going public.
One of the things we're aiming for to get this show on the road is to have a complete package to present to any studio/investors. This means that not only will we need to have a perfect script but also a marketing strategy, a solid vision for the production, the above mentioned score and any other resources we can muster to help the film whether it be in the form of actors, press links, funding, director...the whole shebang.
The script at the moment has on it's title page credits for writer (myself), producer (Dave) and Director (Damien Wasylkiw)
It's not enough just to bring a script to a studio and say 'We want to make this, where's my cash?' and hope they're blown away by the sheer awesomeness of the hundred or so pages in front of them. In fact we're not trying to sell a script, we want to sell a movie before it's even made. They have to believe that this is something they can get behind and if we demonstrate that 'Jerusalem' is something we can see through to completion and beyond in the most professional manner, then we have an advantage. I feel this is the best way to go forward, it's a lot easier to commit to something you know others believe in.
M. Night Shyamalan famously sent out the script for The Sixth Sense with a million dollar price tag attached to it. He was right to do so and it paid off.
'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' is not the Sixth Sense, it was never intended to be of that scope or... quality. It's a stripped down (although maybe not as stripped down as it needs to be yet) '70's style thriller working in the confines of an established genre with a few novel twists thrown in. But ultimately it's designed to be a money making, fun exploitation movie and any reassurance we can give that we intend to deliver on that, the better.
I intend to start pre-production before we've even finalised the script. I'll be applying my limited artistic skills to storyboarding a few key sequences, this added with the hundreds of location photos we have and extra scripts for webisodes and other support elements we have a sound base from which to launch our offensive on the cinema going public.
Friday, 6 February 2009
The End of Days
We're approaching the end.
A quick overhaul of the script with Dave brought up an interesting new way to present a scene adding a bit of humour. We also slipped a few 'social commentary' bits in to the script that had been left out for reasons of fluidity of story telling, but Dave found a way to reintegrate them with minimum fuss.
So thanks to Dave then.
I'm still a bit iffy about some of the dialogue, but we still have a long way still to sort it out.
The first draft (the real first draft) is looking good though. Good enough that we can send it to a few people we know in the buisness to get a rough idea as to what we should be doing with it.
I'll give them a few weeks to read it then I expect a complete and unrelenting barrage of critisism hurled this way. Of course that's a good thing. I'm not worried about getting negative critisism, it's more the prospect of having to follow up on any insightful comments I get and having to rewrite a script I've spent ages on. Sheesh. It's a lot of work.
It'll be good to get the thing out there and read by people, it almost feels like it's getting published.
In the mean time I'll be starting on a new script. I need to have a break from this one for a bit (although I doubt that I'll get the chance) and replenish my creativity - a new project seems like the best way to do that.
I've had a few ideas swilling round my skull for a while, some more concrete than others (have you tried swilling concrete...not fun), see which you think is best:
Laser Massacre at Nudey Beach:
A Cormanesque beach party/alien invasion movie with entirely nude cast.
Eat The Rich:
Surreal anti consumerist fable in the style of early Bunuel with a dash of Larry Cohen.
Perseverence:
Child goes on a killing spree to avenge the death of her mother...or does she? A road movie version of Get Carter with a mild supernatural twist.
The Retreat:
My long gestating hard sci-fi ghost story without ghosts. Like the Andromeda Strain meets 2001: a Space Odessey meets Ju-on... with an entirely nude cast. Except for the nudity.
I've just printed 'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' out so I can 'idiot check' it, then it's off in to the cold uncaring world for you little script. Come back safely.
A quick overhaul of the script with Dave brought up an interesting new way to present a scene adding a bit of humour. We also slipped a few 'social commentary' bits in to the script that had been left out for reasons of fluidity of story telling, but Dave found a way to reintegrate them with minimum fuss.
So thanks to Dave then.
I'm still a bit iffy about some of the dialogue, but we still have a long way still to sort it out.
The first draft (the real first draft) is looking good though. Good enough that we can send it to a few people we know in the buisness to get a rough idea as to what we should be doing with it.
I'll give them a few weeks to read it then I expect a complete and unrelenting barrage of critisism hurled this way. Of course that's a good thing. I'm not worried about getting negative critisism, it's more the prospect of having to follow up on any insightful comments I get and having to rewrite a script I've spent ages on. Sheesh. It's a lot of work.
It'll be good to get the thing out there and read by people, it almost feels like it's getting published.
In the mean time I'll be starting on a new script. I need to have a break from this one for a bit (although I doubt that I'll get the chance) and replenish my creativity - a new project seems like the best way to do that.
I've had a few ideas swilling round my skull for a while, some more concrete than others (have you tried swilling concrete...not fun), see which you think is best:
Laser Massacre at Nudey Beach:
A Cormanesque beach party/alien invasion movie with entirely nude cast.
Eat The Rich:
Surreal anti consumerist fable in the style of early Bunuel with a dash of Larry Cohen.
Perseverence:
Child goes on a killing spree to avenge the death of her mother...or does she? A road movie version of Get Carter with a mild supernatural twist.
The Retreat:
My long gestating hard sci-fi ghost story without ghosts. Like the Andromeda Strain meets 2001: a Space Odessey meets Ju-on... with an entirely nude cast. Except for the nudity.
I've just printed 'Bad Day On Jerusalem Hill' out so I can 'idiot check' it, then it's off in to the cold uncaring world for you little script. Come back safely.
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